I guess this is it.

I’m off to pray for a while before i leave for the airport in an hour.

Hands are shaking.

I’m afraid.

But i will be ok.

I will be ok.

I’m almost packed.

This is real.

You have no idea how much i’m going to miss you.

I want to cry.

But i won’t.

I cannot.



I love looking at the stained glass in my church when it’s morning and the sun’s rays filter through. I have an urge to kneel in front of the altar. To cry, to shout but also to sing.

Because there still resides in me, despite all of this sadness and anxiety, a sort of joy that understands this: I am a child of God.

There really is nothing else i can cling to.

I love weddings.

I love love.

She’s going a mile a minute, feet racing like sunbeams.

-From an ad for Trex- The deck of a lifetime

I’m a busy little bumblebee now. I need to pack, make lunch, watch my Girl with a pearl earring DVD, return the DVD, buy a jacket and daily disposable contact lenses, write my reflection for mass tomorrow, have tea (one should never be too busy as to miss tea. Tea is sacred.), go for a walk, meet Marilyn to discuss the musical, go for choir practice and..oh, i’m sure i’m forgetting something. Ah well.

Yesterday, i met Melissa for tea. We had waffles with ice-cream and maple syrup and an Auntie Amy’s chewy chocolate fudge cake. Both the food (especially the cake. Oh, the cake.) and companionship were fantabulous.

I went back to my aunt’s place, had fish and chips for dinner while watching Singapore Idol. I was rooting for David. He got in! Yay. :)

A while ago, it rained. Just for a few minutes. But the wind was strong enough for me to catch a whiff of sea water. Standing in my parents’ bedroom, i could hear the strains of Five for Fighting’s Superman (It’s not easy) playing in my bedroom. I’m just out to find the better part of me…up, up and away, away…looking for special things inside of me…

It was a moment.

I’m getting excited about my trip. This could potentially be a life-changing experience for me.

And You, i love you.

At 10:30 in the morning, Rebecca and i waved goodbye to Rachael (who was too happy crawling to even notice) and my aunt and left for the library. We spent about an hour and a half there. Only ten minutes was spent reading.

On the way back, we played a game called “Stepping on the big leaves”, where Rebecca had to step on every big leaf she saw.

We skipped the rest of the journey home.

Saturday was bad.

Sunday doesn’t seem to be going very well either.

Life.

You must not stay sleeping and dallying in the house,

though your built it, or though it has been built for you.

Allons! out of the dark confinement!

I will try, Walt Whitman. I will try.