This evening, i sat in the kitchen watching reruns of Ally, with a cup of coffee and leftover birthday cake for company. That made me happy.

Life has been good to me in recent days. I’ve resumed my morning walks, i have my precious Clay CD with me to listen to every night, i’ve been going out and having fun, i’ve been reading. I’ve been thinking.

But despite all of this, i cannot help the loneliness that is beginning to take residence in my heart. As comfortable as i am being boyfriend-less, i must say that it would be nice to have someone to hold. Especially now.

In this current state, i sent Justin a text message. We’ve been communicating that way for a little less than an hour now and while part of me feels better, another part longs for intimacy more than ever.

You have something and then you don’t. Life is strange like that.

As i left the house to buy dinner earlier, the serenity of eveningtime assuaged me. The calm after the storm. Literally. I walked and thought about how i was done making 5-year plans for myself. Because life is unpredictable and things change in an instant. Five years ago, i thought i’d have a stable career and be in a stable relationship by the time i was 23. Neither has worked out.

Yet i’m not unhappy. I’ve decided to go where the wind blows. It’s just so much easier that way- to be open to change.

While i don’t have a plan per se, i have cerain things i want to do, like go to graduate school, travel around Europe and get an apartment of my own. I don’t know where i’ll be this time next year- maybe Singapore, maybe Sydney, maybe Paris.

I guess what i’m trying to say is this- i don’t know anything at all.

And i’m ok with that. Well, almost.

Let her down easy

Her heart is on a dime

Let her down easy

You’ll grow up in time

We went to Sound Bar for drinks last night- a promotional Heineken event. The plan, as i told Marilyn, was to pick a guy up. I wore my heels. But it was hot and humid. And all the cute guys had girls by their side.

So much for the plan.

We’ll see what next week’s outing holds.

I think this was probably my best birthday party yet- a small gathering of family and friends but filled with love and laughter. I had a fabulous time!

Yummy chocolate fudge cake

After the candles were blown

Noel and Me

Kristen, Me and Jess