I was wide awake in the dark last night as my husband snored softly beside me. I hate nights like that when sleep doesn’t come easily and i have a million thoughts running through my mind- mostly discouraging, anxious and negative thoughts. Nothing good ever comes out of those thoughts except i end up having strange dreams and wake up in the morning feeling sad, melancholic, lonely and unmotivated. Which is exactly how i feel right now. I don’t deal well with these feelings because i hardly feel them anymore. Most mornings i am simply happy.

This week is my last week of teaching for the semester and planning my last tutorial for the semester feels like a gargantuan task. Next week, we move house and the mere thought of packing and leaving our current home seems unaccomplishable although our new home is beautiful and only a minute’s walk to the ocean. It has been raining for days on end, the sky a constant gray. Is it even possible that today is the first day of winter?

As i sit here typing, i am trying to think of things i can do to make myself feel better. Walking to the cafe for a coffee maybe? Making some granola? Watching a movie? None of these things excite me but maybe doing something, anything will get me out of this melancholy.

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