The picture above is of my friends Lisa, Eric and Charlie at the beach on Sunday afternoon. Lisa is pregnant with her second child and is due in the next couple of days, which is very exciting.

So, World Youth Day has descended upon Sydney. On Tuesday, I joined my friends who have come down from Singapore for this occasion. It was wonderful to see worshippers from all over the world singing, cheering and having fun. I couldn’t help but get cheered up myself just from watching them.

It’s been a tough week for Jon and myself and i could not have gotten through it without the love and support of my lovely friend, Shannon. She came over on Monday with darling Levi and sat with me as i cried. The emotions i had stored up inside for months and months came tumbling out with every tear shed and i felt so much better afterwards.

Last night, we had a movie night at home. We borrowed Dan in real life from the video store and went to the supermarket to get some popping corn, chocolate and cream soda. Once home, we made some honey butter popcorn and sat down to watch the movie with our yummy snacks, all cuddled up for warmth. Oh, it was a beautiful night and just what we needed. We hardly eat junk food at home and it was a guilty pleasure to consume all that sugar in one sitting. I didn’t feel too good this morning but it was worth it!

I’ve decided to tutor at the university next semester and it feels good to have made a decision finally. So far, this year has gone nothing like i had thought it would. I’m trying to be ok with that because it’s been too difficult trying to fight it.

I read Lisa’s blogpost about her porch a few minutes ago and it reminded me of how much i love the idea of porch. I can’t wait to have a porch of my own, where i can sit and drink coffee and read a good novel or watch the sun as it sets. I will surely perish without hope and dreams- i know this about myself and it is probably true for everyone. So today, i am immensely thankful for the reminder of the dreams i had as a young girl, where even at the age of 15 i could see myself sitting on the porch and watching the world go by. I have always been a romantic, i guess and to me, the porch is such a wonderful representation of all things romantic.

As i type this, the afternoon sun is streaming in through the window of the study which is normally a cold and dark room i avoid unless on the computer. It is a beautiful sight. Outside, my white curtains are drying in the wind and it makes me smile when i think about how nice they’re going to look hanging from the windows in the living room. See, there are many things to be happy about, many things to live for.

I made pancakes again for breakfast this morning with a new recipe i found online and they were great! They were fluffy, didn’t burn and were made with wholemeal (or whole wheat) flour. Combined with a hot cup of coffee, it was a wonderful start to the day.

[Combine 2 cups wholemeal flour, 1 tsp baking powder, 1/2 tspn baking soda and 3/4 tsp salt in a large bowl and stir. In a medium bowl, combine 2 eggs, 2 cups buttermilk, 2 T honey and 50g butter and stir. Add the wet ingredients to the dry and stir till just combined. Heat a nonstick pan over medium heat and spray with some olive oil spray. Ladle batter onto pan and cook until bubbles appear on the top. Flip over and cook for about 20s. Serve pancakes with fruit and maple syrup. Makes 10-12 pancakes.]

Last night, i made beef rendang from this recipe. It was so yummy, especially with this stir fried pumpkin and some fragrant jasmine rice cooked with star aniseed, cinnamon, cardamon, ginger and garlic (my auntie’s recipe). So, all good except that it took about three hours to finish cooking everything! I was so stressed afterwards and when i realised that i still had to make the pancake batter for breakfast today and do some ironing (which never took place), i collapsed on the lounge and asked Jon to please pour me a glass of chardonnay.

He had surprised me with a big bouquet of red roses minutes before and i concentrated on the fact that i had a lovely, generous husband whilst drinking my wine and eventually calmed down. Some days, cooking makes me feel relaxed and happy. Other days, not so. But as we sat down to our meal and Ugly Betty on tv, the flavours of the food and knowing that i had slaved over it made me feel quite accomplished.

I finally watched Sex and the City on Tuesday and really liked it. I loved the celebration of love and friendship and gosh, the fashion! I could never walk in that pair of blue Manolo Blahniks or even afford them but they were stunning. I’m probably most like Charlotte, fashion-wise with all her pretty dresses. The movie in its entirety was a fun experience and when i emerged from the cinema into the cold winter night, it left me dreaming about funky boots and made me look forward to seeing Jon and enveloping him in a big bear hug.

The heaters have to be turned on at night. In the day, scarves and gloves protect from the cold. Summer seems far away now and i can’t believe that a few months ago, i walked to the beach in a tank top, shorts, slippers and hat. It is hard for me to see the days getting shorter and shorter. This week, i’ve had to turn on the lights in the house at 4pm.

The upside to all this of course is the food: breakfast out with my husband-coffee, hot chocolate, banana bread and sourdough with a poached egg, baked beans and chorizos- on Tuesday morning before he works from home for the day. Pumpkin soup with a dash of allspice and nutmeg for dinner. A quince and pear crumble for dessert this Friday. All serve to offer comfort for cold bodies.

Today, i met Jena for coffee. I have come to rely on our weekly catch-ups to keep me on track with my life. I need someone whom i can talk to about my relationship with Jonathan knowing that it will not be part of next week’s gossip session. I need someone to help me on this journey that is sometimes difficult and who will not judge or persecute. So, for rekindled friendship, i am grateful.

I asked Jena if i could please take some photos of her at the beach this afternoon after coffee, The afternoon light was delicious and she is a beautiful subject. We only had five minutes but it was worth it. I felt happier and so much more in tune with myself after our little session.

And that’s how i know that photography is a big part of my life. I love it so and i feel excited after to see how the photos turned out. I’ve got an eye for good shots and lighting and i think with some studying, i may actually be quite proficient with the technicalities. In the meantime, i must save for a camera. The Canon DSLR i have been using for the past few weeks was on loan from a friend and tomorrow, i must return it.

But in a short time, it has revealed to me what i already know but found hard to believe- that i can follow my passions; that i can be good at many things; that nothing is impossible.